Slowly into the Light
by montez
Summary: my sequel to Adrenaline, this picks up after Mayhem and through AngelMaker. Hotch struggles with some of the aftermath of Mayhem, both physcial and emotional. Final Chapter up!
1. Chapter 1

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own anything other than my imagination, but sometimes it owns me.

A/N: This is the continuation of my story Adrenaline. Sorry but you kind of have to read first to understand where this story picks up. But if you want to try it on its own it follows the episode-'Mayhem' and is before and during the episode-'Angel Maker'. Hope this satisfies those who were hoping for more in my original story, enjoy!---Montez

The five hour drive back to Quantico was closer to six and a half for Morgan and Hotch. What had started out as a quiet, slightly tense trip turned into one of the times Morgan was glad he had gone with his gut instinct and insisted that he drive Hotch back to Virginia instead of allowing Agent Davis from the New York office to do so. About two and a half hours into the drive, Aaron had a milder, but no less frightening, episode like the one he had experienced in his hotel room that morning.

It started with Derek noticing his boss rubbing his forehead, unconsciously putting his right hand against the side of his head, covering his ear again. A slight change in his breathing pattern alerted Morgan that Hotch was in more pain than he should have been. Derek pulled the SUV to the side of the road when the Profiler almost doubled over in the front seat, the seatbelt keeping the older man from touching his head to his knees. "Hotch?" Giving the man beside him a moment, Morgan reached out and touched his friends shoulder, giving it a gentle shake, "Hotch, look at me."

When Aaron didn't respond, Derek realized he probably couldn't hear him and the pain was distracting him from acknowledging the younger Agent. Turning on the flashers and the engine off, Morgan climbed out of the vehicle and came around to the passenger side, pulling the door open, trying to get a better look at Hotch.

A few tense moments passed before Aaron started to take deeper breaths, as he slowly straightened himself up, leaning back with his eyes closed. "You with me yet?" Morgan asked, watching the man before him.

"Yeah" Hotch mumbled his right hand still over his ear.

"Is it time for your pain meds?" Derek asked as he opened the back door, reaching inside his own bag pulling out a bottle of water, handing it to Hotch.

"About an hour." Hotch took the offered water, taking a small sip.

"Next exit I'll find us someplace for lunch." Morgan mentioned. Hotch giving only a slight nod in reply, surprising Derek in his agreement to stop.

Fast food wasn't usually their thing, but that was the only option at the next exit, so they stopped. Hotch barely touched his food, only eating enough to take the pain meds, hoping to hold off any additional episodes. Once disposing of their trash, Hotch excused himself to head for the restroom; Morgan took the opportunity to text Dave on their progress. Dave agreed it was good that one of the team had driven Aaron, especially since he'd experienced an episode. Rossi let Morgan know everything was ready at his place and he would be expecting them around five, allowing for time to run by Aaron's apartment to grab a few items for the stay at Dave's.

Finishing, Morgan heard his friend's voice behind him, "Was that Dave?" Hotch knew the two were going to be watching him like a hawk, since they had been witnesses to just how bad the pain he was experiencing could be.

"Yeah, he's expecting us around five." Morgan answered as they climbed back into the big, black truck, Derek starting the engine.

"I really don't need to stay with anyone, I'm fine." Aaron knew the moment those words left his mouth that he was anything but fine, but he didn't like showing weakness.

Morgan shot him a glance as he pulled back onto the interstate, "Keep telling yourself that Hotch, but I'm not buying it and neither is Rossi." Without another word the two men continued in silence, Hotch leaning his head back against the head rest, allowing the pain medication to relax him, the hum of the road lulling him toward sleep. Knowing Morgan was with him allowed Hotch to rest, he hadn't been lying when he told the Junior Agent that he entrusted the man with his life. And though he would never admit it, Aaron was glad he had people in his life that cared about him as much as he cared about them.

The rest of the drive was uneventful; they reached DC by four, allowing them time to stop by Hotch's place so he could get a few items to take with him to Dave's Cabin. Derek hung around in the living room as Hotch moved through the apartment, gathering a few things here and there. Within twenty minutes Aaron had changed from his usual suit into a pullover and jeans, the older man knowing there was no way he was going to be allowed back at the office until cleared by Bureau doctors and that wouldn't happen until he had seen the Specialist about his hearing.

"You got everything you need?" Morgan asked as his boss came through the room carrying his go bag.

Rubbing his head, Hotch gave a slight nod as they headed toward the door, Aaron hoping they would arrive at Dave's before he experienced anymore problems. The drive to Rossi's was another forty-five minutes, putting them pulling in the driveway a little past five.

Dave came walking down the stairs as the SUV came to a stop, "I was about ready to call Garcia to tap into the GPS on the truck." The older man smiled as Hotch shot him an 'I'm not in the mood' look. Looking at Morgan Rossi continued, "Did he give you any trouble?" Ignoring the two men, Hotch made his way up the stairs toward the front door, he really needed to get inside, he could feel the pain starting to build and wanted to get something to drink and take his medication before it escalated again.

The levity seemed to leave the two Agents left standing outside as they watched Aaron ascend the stairs. "Other than what I texted you about, he's been quiet. He even slept a little after taking his medicine after lunch, but he didn't eat much." slowly heading toward the porch Morgan continued, "I don't think the pain medication they gave him is helping a whole lot, just on the drive from his place I could tell the pain was returning."

"Did he lose his hearing with the earlier episode?" Rossi asked as the entered the cabin, hearing the running of water coming from the kitchen.

"For a few minutes I think so, but it didn't last nearly as long as what he experienced this morning." Derek looked up as he heard Hotch come into the main room.

Dave turned as well, "We've all been given a few days off after what happened in New York and they said you were on leave until you were cleared by the doctors."

Aaron felt suddenly weary, the aches and pains his body had been experiencing for the last few days, since the explosion, making him feel extremely tired. "Figured" he mumbled as he sat in one of the arm chairs.

"I better get going, I'll stop by tomorrow to make sure everything is all right." Morgan headed toward the door.

"I'm fine." Hotch mumbled, his voice sounding sleepy, which was unusual for the normally totally in control man.

Dave and Morgan exchanged amused looks but thought it better not to comment.

"Thanks Morgan" Rossi shook the younger man's hand, then closed the door.

Turning Dave crossed the room, taking a seat on the couch that was across from where Hotch was sitting, his head tilted back, eye's closed. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine Dave, just tired." Aaron raised his head slowly, looking at his friend.

"Bullshit Aaron, how are you _really _feeling?" Rossi wasn't buying the whole 'I'm fine' bit.

Blowing out a deep breath Hotch leaned forward, holding his head in his hands, "Honestly?"

"Always." Dave replied.

"I'm sore as hell and the ringing in my ears is really getting on my nerves." Tired eyes met Rossi's.

"Well, you need to call one of those specialists in the morning. Hopefully they can get you in and tell you how long to expect it to continue. As for the rest, sleep will probably go a long way to helping that. Are you hungry?" Dave watched his friend's reaction.

Shaking his head slightly Hotch closed his eye's again, leaning back. "I'd rather just sleep."

"Let's get you settled then." Rossi stood, retrieving Aaron's bag from where he had dropped it, near the door, upon entering. Watching as the younger man slowly stood, Dave led him down the hallway. "Do you remember the layout of the place?"

Hotch and the rest of the team had visited the cabin on a few occasions when Dave had invited everyone to his place for dinner, so Aaron knew his way around. "Yeah."

Pausing at one of the bedroom doors, "As long as you're here this is your place too, if you need something let me know, I mean it Aaron. For once you need to let others worry about you and you just worry about getting better, understand?"

Taking his bag from Dave, Hotch answered, "Thanks Dave." Rossi watched as his friend entered the room and closed the door. The older man knew it was going to be tough getting Aaron to put himself first, the younger profiler was always use to watching out for everyone else, but Dave knew that as long as he was able to keep Aaron under his roof, he could at least keep a closer eye on him and make sure he took care of himself. Turning, Rossi made his way back down the hallway, pausing to pour a small amount of his favorite Scotch into a glass, then he headed upstairs.

A/N: well that's my start, how is it? I'm gonna work Hotch a little out of character, but considering what he went through even our normally stoic leader can have his moments. but don't worry it won't be too bad, I love Hotch how his is and won't stray to far from that. hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading!--Montez


	2. Chapter 2

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 2  
Disclaimer: see chapter 1

_2:16 am_

The red numbers on his beside clock showed 2:16 am. SSA David Rossi was exhausted from the last several days in New York, culminating with the SUV explosion that had killed one agent and nearly cost the BAU its Unit Chief, SSA Aaron Hotchner, who was currently residing in the downstairs guest bedroom of Dave's cabin. It took the older man a moment to realize what had woken him in the middle of the night when a panicked yell shattered the silence of the cabin.

"_KATE!"_

Throwing the covers off, Dave opened his bedroom door, hurriedly making his way downstairs. Pulling his worried emotions together, Rossi paused outside the closed door of his guest room, knocking lightly when he heard a mumbled sound from inside, "Hotch?" He said as he opened the door, not sure what he was going to find.

Aaron was sitting on the side of the bed, his back to the door, his head held in his hands as he tried desperately to calm his breathing, "Aaron?" Dave again whispered as he moved into the darkened room, allowing the hall light to illuminate it. Making his way around the bed, Rossi knelt in front of his former protégé, reaching out to touch his arm, noticing his friend's hand was covering his right ear again. "Aaron, can you hear me?"

Dave was seriously considering calling for help when it took a few more minutes for Hotch to finally speak, "I couldn't save her." Aaron whispered out, emotion choking his voice. "I tried…"

Rossi was a little startled by the hollow sound of the younger man's voice, but it was the tear and pain- filled eye's that shocked Dave more, knowing how in control of his emotions that Hotch normally was, but the events of the last few days had been anything but normal. "It wasn't your fault." Dave tried to reassure.

"The bleeding wouldn't stop," Aaron's voice almost pleading, "I couldn't carry her and stop the bleeding…" Hotch met his friends concerned eyes then stood, walking over to the window, looking out into the half-moon lit woods. "When the ambulance came in behind me, I was just so relieved someone was there to help her that I never suspected, I should have realized that he wouldn't have been allowed in until the area was cleared." Dave clearly heard the guilt-laden sound of the younger man's whispered words.

Dave stood, watching his friend closely when he noticed Aaron rubbing the right side of his head, but it was the sharp intake of breath and Hotch's hand reaching out for perch against the window frame that had the older man in motion. "Hotch, you need to sit down." With little resistance the older Profiler led the younger one back toward the bed. "I'll be right back." Quickly leaving the room he soon returned with a bottle of water.

Turning on the bed-side light Dave couldn't help the slight smile that tried to form as he noticed the same green-haired troll that Garcia had left with Hotch when he was in the ICU, sitting on the night stand as he picked up one of the two prescription bottles, finding the pain medication. Taking out two of the small pills, Rossi handed them to Hotch, who tossed them back without even looking, fully trusting the man in the room with him, before accepting the bottle of water.

"Thanks" Aaron mumbled, the exhausted sound returning to his voice, "Sorry for waking you."

Rossi finally saw a hint of the Hotch he knew when the younger man looked up. "I told you if you needed something to let me know, that includes needing someone to talk to about what happened, but you need to remember that none of this was your fault. You did everything you could possibly do and because of that people are alive and the bad guy isn't." Dave tried to keep his voice even, considering the worry that was continuing to build concerning Aaron.

"But Kate?" Hotch looked at his hands, one holding the bottle of water, the other the small white lid that went with it, his mind flashing back to the blood that had stained them just days ago.

Pulling the sitting chair closer to the bed Rossi made sure he made eye contact with Hotch. "You did everything you could for her; you never left her, even when you could have, until she was at the hospital. You neglected your own injuries until she had help, then you did so again until we found the UNSUB. It was a terrible thing to lose Kate, but Hotch…Aaron, we almost lost you too."

Dave had hoped to see understanding in Hotch's eyes, but only continued to see the guilt that the Profiler was torturing himself with, "You need to get some sleep, we'll talk about this later." Dave stood, placing a reassuring hand on Aaron's shoulder before moving toward the door.

"Thanks Dave." Aaron said quietly.

"Just remember you're not alone in this, goodnight Hotch." Dave pulled the door closed and paused in the hallway. Closing his eye's a moment he shook his head, he'd have to talk to the team, but especially to Morgan, they were going to have to watch Hotch closely, not only for the physical pain he was experiencing from the explosion, but also the psychological and emotional ones that were starting to make themselves known.

---------

The next morning dawned with clear blue skies and bright sunshine coming through the half-opened blinds of the guest bedroom of Rossi's cabin. Aaron had been awake most of the night, fighting the effects of the pain medication as he continued to go over in his mind what he could have done differently to have saved Kate Joyner. In the back of his mind he knew what he was doing wasn't healthy, mentally or physically. He had watched Gideon slowly self-destruct over the course of two years after the Boston incident. Hotch had often wondered if that would happen to him, he felt it was his personal responsibility to protect those around him and over the last few years he had been tested.

Standing at the window he thought back to the many times he wished he had noticed what was happening with Jason, that maybe Hotch could have stopped what had happened with the older man, how someone as strong as Jason Gideon could get to a point where he could just walk away from those closest to him. Then there was Elle Greenaway, when she had been shot in her own home, Hotch felt it was his fault, he had sent her home in the middle of an investigation which had the UNSUB knowing almost everything about the team, including their home addresses. Aaron had not made it clear to Agent Anderson that he was to stay with Elle because of this, which led her to being alone when she was shot, calling 911 on her own before passing out from the massive blood-loss. She had barely survived only to return four-months later and slowly start her downward spiral that ended with her killing a rape suspect, virtually, in cold-blood, though she had been cleared in the shooting, she soon left the Unit.

Then there had been Morgan, who on a visit home to Chicago had been arrested for a series of child murders that had taken place over the course of several years, beginning when Derek, himself, was only a teenager. The horrific past that the younger Agent had been so desperately trying to keep hidden for nearly twenty years came to light, causing Morgan to withdrawal for a time for fear his team would think different of him. Hotch and Gideon had been the only two to know what really happened to Derek as a boy, but somehow Aaron felt he should have been able to figure out who the suspect was without Morgan having to relive his childhood nightmare.

When Penelope had been shot, shock was the first thing Aaron felt, she was seemingly the safest of their team, only rarely coming into the field with them. Then when she was suspended because of an encrypted file, Aaron felt he had let her down by not protecting her from very Bureau that she had so selflessly been working for over the last several years. It turned out the file she had encrypted had been the very information on the team that the suspect that had shot Elle a few years earlier had been able to hack. She had tried to protect her team in such a way it could have cost her not only her job, but her freedom if the Bureau had felt she was intentionally trying to gain information for illegal reasons.

Finally there was Spencer, the young genius who had become the little brother of the team. In the last three years the young man had been through so much, Hotch had lost count the number of times a suspect had held a gun on Reid. Like the time when they had the LDSK case, the suspect turned out to be a registered nurse in the very hospital where they were interviewing a surgeon. Reid and Hotch had figured it out while standing in the emergency room that the suspect worked there, but before Reid could make it back to Gideon with the news he was confronted and knock to the floor by the suspect. During the hostage situation, Hotch had gotten the suspect to open up some, by playing into the delusion that Hotch was treated just as bad as the suspect felt he was always treated. In doing so he had used Spencer's recent failure to requalifying in his firearms qualification and played on the young man's inability to be able to shot a gun as a source of contention between the coworkers. When the moment came and Hotch knew he had to act, he had no choice but to physically 'attack' Reid to allow the younger man access to the one gun the suspect didn't know about, Hotch's back-up piece on his ankle. That incident ended with Reid making a shot that would have made any marksman proud, Spencer had been able to take out the suspect before the man had killed Hotch and who knows how many of the hostages, but left Aaron with an enormous amount of guilt in having to attack the younger man and then use Reid's own insecurities against him.

But the incident that stands out to Aaron as his biggest failure in protecting his team was when Spencer had been kidnapped and tortured for two days by a suspect that turned out to have a multiple personality disorder, allowing three separate personalities to take control over the course of the kidnapping. Two of the three felt it necessary to continually beat and torture the younger Agent, several times video taping the whole thing, streaming the video to the computers that he knew the rest of the team was watching. During one of the beating episodes the suspect had nearly killed Reid. It had only been because the most timid of the personalities, Tobias Henkel, had gained control for a few moments and revived Spencer that they hadn't lost the young genius. Then the team had to watch, once Reid was revived, as the beaten Profiler had to stare down the barrel of a gun that contained only one bullet, in a twisted game of 'Russian roulette' as he was told to name a team member who would die. After four denials to name someone Reid finally named Aaron, once the shock of the revelation wore off, Hotch had listened to what Reid was saying, realizing he was being sent a message by the younger man, in the only way he knew how, to the only person who would understand it. It was that message that had led the team to Spencer just in time, but not before they would nearly lose him to something none of them realized at the time had happened, Tobias Henkel had gotten Spencer addicted to a very powerful narcotic.

While the smell of coffee started to filter through the cabin Hotch continued to wonder, how many more times could he watch those around him, those he was responsible for be hurt because of his inability to stop it. Again, as he turned to head out of the room, a part of his mind told him to not dwell on what he couldn't control, but the irrational part told him he was Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner and it was his job to control everything. Unconsciously grabbing the prescription bottles from the bedside table Hotch headed out of the room, cursing his own weakness as he felt the pain start to build in his head, his hearing again becoming slightly muffled, he wondered how long he could hold out before he, too, slowly started to fall apart.


	3. Chapter 3

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 3  
Disclaimer: see chapter 1

"You hungry?" Dave asked as he watched Hotch slowly walk into the room, heading straight for the coffee maker that sat on the counter, "Did you get any sleep last night?" Rossi commented as he noticed the dark circles around Aaron's eyes, as well as, his hunched posture and his pale, pain-filled expression.

Sitting exhaustively into one of the kitchen chairs Hotch opened one the prescription bottles, reluctantly taking the pain medication, then the antibiotic, "Some". Dave knew the moment the words left the younger man's mouth it was a lie, he wasn't a world renowned Profiler for nothing.

"Bull…" Dave started to comment, but a hard look from Hotch stopped him.

"Please…" Aaron rubbed his forehead, "I appreciate you wanting me to stay here, but I really don't need the lecture right now. I've taken my meds and I'm going to call the doctor in a few minutes, but right now I just need some time, okay…Please."

Rossi was a little stunned by the tone Hotch had used, it was both abrupt and pleading at the same time, Dave knew that if he didn't want to drive the injured man away, both physically and emotionally that he needed to give Aaron some space to deal with what had happened to him. "Okay, just let me know if you need a ride to the doctor, I'll be in the study." Without another word Dave left the room.

Aaron watched Rossi leave, immediately feeling bad for snapping, knowing the older man was just concerned, but that was something that was never easy for Hotch to allow other's to be, worried about him. Walking back to his room he found the names of the specialist the New York doctor had given him, heading back toward the kitchen he grabbed the cordless off the wall and walked out onto the back deck of the cabin, hoping to find someone who could tell him just how long this injury was going to complicate his life.

Two hours later had Rossi dropping Hotch at the office of Dr. Kathy Simpson. Once making an appointment with the doctor that morning, Hotch had contacted St. Bracley's in New York to send his scans to Dr. Simpson's office. At his appointment Aaron was told that the doctor wanted him to have another CT scan so she could get a better view of the damaged area of his ear. She informed him that until she had the new scans she could only give an estimation of how long it could take him to fully heal, her time table for complete recovery was a couple months, during which time he needed to avoid sudden loud noises and considering his job, she recommended him not return to duty for the next week and field duty for possibly a month, at least.

Dave could tell from Hotch's expression when he picked the younger man up that the news wasn't something he had wanted to hear, "Well?" Rossi asked as Aaron strapped himself in Dave's Land Rover.

A few minutes passed before Aaron answered, "I'm scheduled for a CT in the morning, she can't tell me much until then."

"So no idea on how long the pain will last?" Dave was fishing for info that he knew Hotch wasn't going to give up easily.

"No." Hotch was trying to figure out a way that he would be able to return to work sooner, there was no way he could deal with being out of the field for a month.

"How long are you off for?" Rossi again asked, glancing at his friend, noticing him tense.

"Possibly a week or so…" Hotch wasn't really lying, the doctor had said he could return to the office within the week, but he knew he needed to come up with a plan that would allow him back in the field sooner than the possible month she had mentioned, "we'll know more after the scan." The tone of the answer told Rossi the conversation was closed for now, the ride back to the cabin was in silence.

Upon returning to the cabin, Hotch changed out of the suit he had worn to the doctor's office and into jeans and a tee-shirt then wordlessly headed toward Dave's back deck, overlooking the wooded area a few yards down the stairs. Rossi watched as his friend grabbed a bottle of water and headed outside, he was concerned with Aaron's withdrawal, which was only noticeable if you knew the younger man really well.

At that moment Dave's cell phone rang, "Rossi".

"Hey, it's Morgan, I was gonna come by and see how everything's going, do you want me grab something for lunch?" Derek asked as Rossi continued to watch Hotch through the kitchen window, the younger man sitting with his head held in his hands.

"Sure, anything's good." Dave's words sounded more reserved than Morgan was use to.

"Everything okay?" Derek felt worry rising as it took a few seconds before Dave answered.

"Hotch went to the doctor this morning, he's got another scan tomorrow. He said the doctor told him to stay off another week or so, but for some reason I'm not buying that, he's not telling me something." Dave watched as Aaron stood and walked down the stairs toward the trail that led to the pond a few hundred yards into the woods where Rossi hunted ducks.

"I've learned to trust your instinct on things and you've known Hotch longer, we'll try and figure it out, then if nothing else we'll just keep a closer eye on him." Morgan knew Hotch didn't like people to worry about him, but after what he had been through over the last several days Derek decided the older man would just have to get use to it. "I'll be there in about an hour." With an okay and quick bye Dave disconnected the call, laying his cell on the counter.

Walking out the back door, Dave decided to check on his friend, the thought of how close they had come to losing the younger man had rattled the old Profiler more than he wanted to admit. Coming into the clearing near the edge of the pond, Rossi found Aaron sitting on a tree stump just at the waters edge. Dave watched for a few moments as it seemed Hotch hadn't heard his approach, that alone worried the older man, Hotch was nothing if not observant of his surrounding.

Aaron was staring out over the pond, he had a stick in his hand that he had picked up that he was using to unconsciously draw lines in the mud. Occasionally the young man would raise his right hand, rubbing the area around his ear, Dave could tell, even in profile, that Hotch was in pain, but he also knew the young man was trying his best to ignore it. Finally Dave crossed the few yards that separated them, standing just inside Hotch's peripheral vision.

"It's strange." Aaron's quiet voice broke the silence.

"What's strange?" Dave kept his eye's focused on a spot across the pond, hoping if Hotch didn't feel he was being scrutinized he would open up some.

"You take some things for granted until you are faced with the possibility of losing them." Hotch continued to draw lines in the mud with the stick, Rossi remained silent, not sure where the conversation was going, but not wanting to stop Aaron since it was so rare for the man to talk openly about anything. "I always assumed Haley would be there every time I came home until the day she wasn't. I wanted to believe, right up until I was handed the papers that we would be able to work everything out. She and Jack are what helped ground me, helped me remember that there was still good in the world, helped me remember why I do this job." Aaron glanced at Rossi, "You know just before I left on that case in Milwaukee… I told her that this was who I am. It wasn't until she was gone that I really understood what her reply to that comment meant."

"What did she say?" Rossi watched as Hotch looked back across the pond.

"She told me it's not who I am, that it's what I do." Hotch looked at the stick in his hand as he continued to draw intersecting lines. "I understood what she was saying, how she was seeing my job, but she never understood that I've been profiling people my whole life. First with my dad, I learned quick when to hang around and when to hide out somewhere, when to comment and when keep my mouth shut. I could tell by the way he tied his tie what kind of day I was in for." Dave was a little stunned by the reference Hotch made about his father. Over the years the older man had heard Hotch make comments or noticed how the younger man reacted to cases that involved children being abused, especially if a parent was involved, so Rossi had his suspicions, but Aaron never openly admitted to anything.

Hotch continued, "In school I could always tell when someone was lying to me, when they were trying to cover something up. I think that is why I became a Prosecutor; I was always able to make the right comment at the right time to get what I wanted. When I joined the Bureau and looked into becoming a Profiler I realized I had been doing that my whole life and that is why I was so good at it, that's why I didn't have any problems with the courses. So this is all I know, this _is _who I am, I don't think I can do anything else."

Aaron fell silent as Dave continued to watch his friend, this was the most the younger man had every opened up, about anything. Rossi knew that when people had close calls it could affect them in ways no one could see coming. Unfortunately this had been Aaron's second close call in his years with the FBI.

Though Rossi had been retired for years, when news of the bombing in Boston reached him, he immediately called his contacts within the Bureau. Upon learning that most of the deaths came from the BAU Rossi had flown to Boston, though he and Jason Gideon had never been the best of friends there were still many people that Rossi had helped recruit that worked in the unit. When he arrived at the hospital Dave was stunned at the sight of Gideon, the normally overly confident man appeared to be a shell of his former self. Rossi learned that of the nine people that worked directly under Jason, six had been killed in the blast, two of which Dave had helped recruit, but what shook the older man the most was that Aaron Hotchner, the young man that had been Rossi's protégé, the young man that Dave had been so impressed with that he had mentioned to Jason upon his retirement that Aaron should be looked upon as being his replacement, setting the stage for him eventually becoming Unit Chief, was laying in the ICU on life support.

Dave remembered those three days he stayed at the hospital until Hotch finally emerged for the coma he had slipped into because of his injuries, sitting with Aaron when Haley's sister would finally be able to drag the grieving young wife from her husband's bedside for something to eat and for some air. He had been so relieved when Hotch finally opened his eyes and was able to breathe on his own. Dave had stayed in contact with him during the recovery, even coming for dinner a couple of times, it was Dave that was one of the first people that Aaron called when he found out he was going to be a father. It had hurt Rossi to watch as his friend had gone from such a trying time, to the ultimate happiness that came with the birth of his son, to the devastating divorce that he didn't see coming. Dave knew Aaron missed his son, but was relieved that Haley had always allowed the young man time with the child they shared whenever Hotch could manage. Rossi knew it was those times with his son that Aaron treasured the most, it was those times that now kept him grounded.

Silence again settled over the pond as Rossi decided to give Aaron a little more time before Morgan showed up with lunch, "I'll be at the cabin if you need me, Morgan's on his way with something to eat." A subtle nod was Rossi's reply as he turned and made his way back up the trail.

A/N: I am having a little trouble with the conversations between Rossi and Hotch, I want to make them believable without getting too out of character for either man. Hope I'm doing okay with that, I have a few more to go-Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it--Montez


	4. Chapter 4

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 4  
Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Thirty minutes later Dave heard a vehicle pulling up to the cabin. He had been sitting on the back deck watching for Aaron to come back, it was starting to worry him, but he knew if he constantly went to check on the younger man, it would only serve to possibly push Hotch away. Rossi was going to give his friend until Morgan showed up before he headed back to the pond to check on him. Walking toward the end of the deck Rossi leaned over the rail as he saw Morgan and Reid exiting the car. "We're around here."

Reid gave Dave a small wave as he helped Morgan carry one of the take out bags they had brought. Finally making their way toward the back of the cabin, Derek climbed the stairs first, he looked around expecting to see Aaron, "Where's Hotch?" Morgan watched as Dave glanced back down the path.

"He's been down at the pond for nearly an hour." Dave could see a protest rising in Derek's face, "Before you start I was down there with him for a little while, but he seemed like he needed some time to himself, I was waiting until you showed up before heading back down there to get him, you know how he can be if he thinks someone is hovering around him."

"Do you want me to go and get him?" Derek asked as Reid stepped to the rail, looking down the tree-lined path.

"Guys." the young genius's quiet voice interrupted Dave and Derek's exchange.

The other two men looked in the direction Spencer had been watching when they noticed Hotch slowly making his way up the path, toward the cabin, his head down, his right hand again rubbing the side of his head. Without even realizing it the three men released a collective sigh of relief to see their friend heading toward them.

"Hey Hotch," Reid was the first to speak as Aaron drew near, but seemed a little stunned when he wasn't answered.

Aaron hadn't seen the member's of his team standing on the deck, nor did he hear Reid call his name. A few minutes before heading back, Hotch had a pain shoot through his ear, for a moment he had wished he was closer to the cabin, closer to someone who could help, but as he slowly breathed through the pain, it started to subside. It had reduced to a dull ache by the time he started back, but his hearing was so muffled and with the ringing that came and went during the episodes of pain, it made him unaware that he was being talked to as he approached.

A concerned look was exchanged between the men as Reid's calling to Hotch remained unanswered. Morgan made his way down the stairs, slowly approaching his boss, so not to startle him if his hearing was the issue. It wasn't until Derek was within a few feet of Aaron that the older man looked up, "Morgan."

Derek watched as his friend quickly tried to mask the pain he was obviously in. "Hotch can you hear me?"

Again when Hotch didn't immediately answer, Morgan reached out and took a hold of his arm, stopping him from continuing up the path. Derek waited until Aaron looked him in the face, "Can you hear me?"

Pulling his arm free Hotch spoke, a flash of anger in his eye's, "Yes I can hear you, I'm fine." Aaron wasn't about to admit that he just barely heard his teammate or that the ringing in his ears was driving him crazy. He needed to figure out a way to hide what was happening so he could get back to work. Walking up the stairs Hotch only glanced at Rossi and Reid as he headed inside to take the pain medication that he was determined to work himself off of within the next few days.

"He hasn't really been himself today, I don't know what the doctor told him, I could only get a couple word answers, plus he didn't sleep much last night." Rossi commented as the three remaining men started taking the food from the bags. "He hasn't eaten since he's been here either, so we need to try and get him to."

"You know post-traumatic stress can manifest itself with symptoms of withdrawal and lack of appetite add in the injuries he suffered, the continued problems with his hearing and the fact that he lost a friend because of the explosion. Its quiet possible he could slip into a severe bout of depression." Spencer looked up as he finished his statement; Rossi and Morgan were watching him.

"We know that and I think it's already happening. He's feeling guilty about Kate's death, I can tell he doesn't like the fact that we are worried about him, and he made a comment earlier about profiling being all he can do, that he doesn't think he could do anything else." Rossi motioned for the other two men to sit down, "I'll go get him, but it's going to be a struggle to keep an eye on him, especially when he returns home, I have a feeling after his doctor's appointment tomorrow he's going to want to head back to his place."

Derek looked at Dave, "Then until he's back at work, we are just going to have to find a way to watch out for him whether he likes it or not." Dave nodded in acknowledgement then headed inside to find Hotch.

Dave found Aaron sitting on the bed in the guest room, his head in his hands. "You okay?" Rossi leaned against the door frame, watching his friend as the younger man sat there. Stepping into the room Dave stopped a few feet from the bed, "Hotch?"

The silence was broken when Aaron took in, then exhaled a deep-breath; pain-filled eyes met Dave's. "I don't know." Rossi was surprised at the honesty in the three words his friend had spoken.

"You will get better; it's just going to take some time." Dave said sitting down next to Hotch.

"I'm not the most patient person." Aaron mumbled, Rossi raising an eyebrow, unable to hide the slight smirk that crossed his face.

"No?" Dave's sarcastic tone earned him one of the patented Hotch glares, which made the older man chuckle. "Look Morgan and Reid brought something to eat and you haven't eaten since you got here yesterday, you need to eat something."

"I'm not…" Hotch started before Dave stopped him.

"Don't tell me you're not hungry, because I don't know if I'll be able to keep Morgan from dragging you out of this room and forcing you to eat and after how bad you scared Reid in New York, I honestly believe he'd help Morgan feed you." Dave smiled as he stood up. When Hotch didn't rise to follow, Rossi's tone turned serious, "Look, I know you are trying to deal with a lot, and I've told you that you can talk to me about anything, and I'm serious about that, but for the moment you need to take care of yourself and that includes eating something, now come on."

Again releasing another deep-breath, Hotch slowly stood, following Dave out the door.

Lunch was a silent affair on Hotch's part, he listened to the conversation between his fellow teammates, but his mind kept playing over in his mind what he could have done differently to have saved Kate and what he could do now to try and return to work sooner because the longer he was off the more time it gave him to think about the past, something he knew he shouldn't do.

"So you go back for another scan tomorrow?" Morgan watched his boss, noticing the man had been quiet since his and Reid's arrival, except for the brief, defensive exchange on the path leading from the pond to the cabin. After a moment Derek leaned forward, the movement seemed to finally get Hotch's attention.

"What?" Aaron asked as he noticed Derek, Dave and Spencer looking at him.

Morgan spoke again, "I said, you're having another scan tomorrow? Will they be able to tell you how long you may be off?"

"I should be back in a week or so." Hotch should know better than to lie to some of the best profilers in the world, but if he had anything say what so ever, he would be back on duty within the week, he just needed to work on how to pull that off.

"Really? Wow that's an amazing recovery time for an injury like yours." Reid commented, earning a steely glance from the Unit Chief. Surprisingly it didn't faze the young Genius like it normally would have, after watching his boss, his friend collapse in the hallway of the hospital just days ago Spencer wasn't only concerned with getting his boss back to work, but in helping to keep his friend safe.

"Well we better be heading back, I promised Garcia I'd stop by her place to let her know how you were doing. I think JJ and Emily were going to meet at her place tonight." Morgan commented before looking at Reid, a sneaky smirk crossing his face, "Care to join me in stopping to talk to the ladies?"

Reid looked at him, his eyebrows going up as he unconsciously cleared his throat, a habit Spencer had when he became nervous, "I'll pass, the last time I was around those three outside work they tried to take me cloths shopping, something about not liking the way I coordinate what I wear, which I don't see anything wrong with."

Dave and Morgan laughed as Morgan spoke, "Yeah, if you don't mind sweater vest and miss-matched socks."

The three men stood up, glancing at Aaron who again seemed lost in thought. Morgan walked over to his chair, "You'll let us know what they say tomorrow?"

Hotch looked up at him, then slowly stood. "Sure." Aaron held out his hand, Morgan looking at him a second before shaking it, Reid following suit.

"Just work on getting better." Reid said quietly, following Morgan down the stairs, Dave walking them out.

Aaron glanced toward his friends, knowing they were just showing their concern, he wanted to be grateful, hell he was grateful, but his pride caused him to curse himself for his team being worried about him. Turning Hotch walked into the cabin.


	5. Chapter 5

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 5  
Disclaimer: See chapter 1

When Dave came inside he found Hotch sitting on the couch, his head leaning back, eye's closed. Quietly the older man sat in the arm chair across from him, Rossi knew that when things bothered Hotch he would withdrawal, but what he was doing now was just unhealthy. Dave knew his friend was replaying everything that happened in New York, as well as, dealing with the emotional issues that come with nearly dying, some of that had shown itself at the pond early today, but now, as is was getting later into the evening, Dave wondered if he should sleep downstairs on the couch, just in case Hotch had another nightmare like the night before.

After a few minutes of silence Dave spoke, "We both know it's going to take longer than a week for you to heal enough to get back in the field."

Rubbing his forehead, the ringing starting to show itself in the background noise of the room, "I can't be off any longer than that. I can't stop thinking of what could have been done differently, if I don't get back to work, I might…" Hotch's voice drifted.

Dave was worried about his friend, but also getting pissed at the younger man for continuously beating himself up over what had happened in New York, "You might what? Realize the Great Aaron Hotchner isn't perfect, that you can't predict everything an UNSUB might do or try and stop it. You've been at this game long enough; you know it is impossible to stop all of them. We can only do the best we can with what we know, unfortunately people get caught in the cross-fire. We do our best to prevent that, but this is what we signed up for, we all knew going in the possibility of something happening." Rossi watched Aaron as several emotions crossed the young man's face, sadness and guilt the primary ones. "Kate knew what this job involved, just like I do, just like you do. At the root we are just like any other law enforcement officer, there is always that unspoken chance that one of us will not make it home, but we can't dwell on that or we would never be able to do this job."

Rossi stood, walking toward the stairs, his thoughts of staying on the main floor fading, "I know you and Kate were friends and if I'm not mistaken there may have been a little something more going on with you two, but she knew what her job was and she did it the best she could and just picking up on how she acted those few days, especially toward you, I don't think she'd want you pushing yourself before you were healed, nor would she want you sitting around dwelling about her death." With that Dave headed up the stairs, telling himself that once he cooled off he'd come check on Aaron, but right now he just needed some space away from the stubborn man that was one of his closest friends.

Hotch watched as Dave headed up the stairs, he knew the older man was right. Kate wouldn't want him acting like this, angry and withdrawn, but Aaron was still trying to process everything. He decided after he found out what he could tomorrow, about the status of his injury and a possible time-table of recovery, he would have Dave take him home, he really needed time 'alone' to think.

A couple hours had passed since Dave headed upstairs; he'd finally managed to cool off. He hadn't regretted what he'd said to Aaron, but maybe there could have been a better way of saying it. Rossi wasn't a man who lost his temper easily, but the stubborn, guilty streak that Hotch possessed always had a way of setting the older man off; it had been that way from the beginning. Dave had found out all those years ago when had sought out and recruited the highest-scoring would be profiler, that Aaron Hotchner had a stubbornness in him that easily wore through Dave's normally laid-back attitude, _'trying the patience of Job' _took on a whole new meaning.

Making his way back down the stairs Dave was surprised to see Hotch still sitting on the couch, the only difference was that the younger man had again leaned his head back and now appeared to be asleep. As in the hospital, Rossi just watched his friend sleeping. He noted the pinched expression that the injured Profiler wore, even in his sleep, the look that told Dave that Hotch hadn't taken any of his pain medication before he had dosed off, the pain obvious on his drawn, pale face. Just in the few days since the explosion Dave could tell Aaron had lost weight, he had barely eaten that afternoon; it had only been enough to appease his teammates, but not enough to really be of any value.

Considering leaving him on the couch, Dave turned back toward the stairs, pausing when he heard the younger man mumble, "Morgan she's gonna bleed to death…" Rossi knew again that the nightmare was about the explosion and Aaron's attempt to keep Kate alive in the middle of the deserted street, help yards away, but unable to help for fear of another explosion. Morgan had filled them in on what was happening when he arrived at the site of the blast, how Hotch had desperately tried to keep the downed Agent from bleeding out.

Rossi walked toward the couch as he heard Hotch's breathing start to increase, his head moving back and forth, "Stay with me Kate…" he mumbled again as Dave reached for his arm. "Kate!" Aaron shouted as he shot forward, Dave's quick hand on his shoulder keeping him from propelling himself forward off the couch.

"Whoa…" Dave sat next to Aaron, "You with me?" Rossi watched as wide-eyed confusion crossed his friends face before Hotch leaned forward, his head in his hands, trying to get his breathing under control.

A few minutes passed as Aaron tried to gain some sort of composure, he hated that Dave had been witness to another of his nightmares. When Haley and he had still been together it was always difficult for him to think that she had been witness to some the nightmares that plagued him, especially during cases that were especially gruesome, those that involved children or when someone on his team had been hurt. Finally getting some of his composure Hotch silently stood and made his way toward the kitchen, he needed something to drink.

Watching his friend leave the room, Dave could only shake his head, maybe his comments earlier were now coming back to bite him in the ass as Hotch didn't seem to want to acknowledge that he had just witnessed another nightmare. Rising the older man followed the younger one into the kitchen, watching as Hotch got a glass of water, staring out the window as he drank it. "You all right?"

Somehow Dave knew the answer to that question before he even asked it as Aaron turned, the normally stoic expression the Unit Chief had come to wear over the last few years, slipping back into place, "I'm fine," Hotch said placing the glass into the sink, passing Dave he headed toward his room. Rossi didn't move until he heard the door shut. Reluctantly he turned off the downstairs lights, except for the hallway light, then headed back up the stairs, not sure if he was going to be able to get the younger man to open up to him again, anytime soon.

The next morning dawned with slightly more tension in the air. Dave already had the coffee made by the time a suit-clad Aaron entered the kitchen, the younger man placing his go bag next to one of the kitchen chairs before heading for the coffee maker. "You don't have to leave Hotch, I'm sorry I snapped last night, but you always knew how to easily piss me off."

Sitting down with his cup Aaron looked up at his former mentor, "You were right. I just think that I need some time alone now; I need to sort through what happened. I appreciate everything you've done since the explosion, but I think it's best if I head back to my place after the doctor's visit today."

Dave watched his friend, he could tell the younger man still hadn't slept much, he was sure it was the nightmares Hotch was trying to avoid that kept him up. "I'll make you a deal, you tell me the truth about what the doctor says and allow me to take you out to lunch, and you actually eat something, then I'll take you back to your place."

Aaron closed his eye's rubbing his head, taking a deep breath to try and not show the pain he had just felt shoot through his ear, it took a moment for him to answer. "Okay."

As Dave sat his cup in the sink he knew that Hotch was in pain and that the younger man was trying to ignore it, but the older man didn't call him on it. He would wait and see if Hotch would hold up his end of the deal and tell him the truth after his visit to the doctor, but unfortunately he already knew Aaron would only tell what he thought would be enough to cover his attempt to get back to work.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note:

To my everyone waiting on the next installment for "Slowly into the light", I'm sorry to say there will be delay, I have lost my train of thought when another project got requested to finish. I am terribly sorry and promise to return to Hotch and the gang as soon as I get my other project done and I rewatch season 4 of CM to get my mind back were it needs to be to finish.

I, again, am truly sorry and hope you guys will stick this out with me, I'll have more time to work soon since my job is winding down for the time being. I hope to return soon, but as you know I don't want to put out a rush job when guys deserve better!

Thanks for your patients and support and I hope to be back soon!

Montez


	7. Chapter 6b

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 6  
Disclaimer: see chapter 1

_A/N: Okay, I think I may be back on my train of thought, keep your finger's crossed. Sorry it has taken so long, I hope you guys are still with me. This will be a slow process I hope to be back in the grove of this story soon and hope to post weekly. Thank you to everyone who has kept up with me and never gave up on me, I appreciate it. Well here we go.-Montez_

A few hours later found the two FBI Profilers sitting a small Italian restaurant, Dave watching as Aaron pushed his food around, occasionally taking small bites. The younger man had been silent since the scan and visit with Dr. Simpson. When Rossi had met him in the waiting room, hanging around this time instead of just dropping him off, Hotch had said nothing, but Dave could tell he was trying to process whatever he had been told. Noticing the Unit Chief's normally stoic expression made it really hard for Dave to even try to figure out whether the information was good or bad.

"Well?" Dave was getting tired of waiting.

Again the unreadable expression that Hotch wore so much was present. "She's allowing me to return to desk duty the day after tomorrow, but I go back in a week to see about field duty."

"Were you given any time frame concerning the pain, and don't think I haven't noticed that you haven't taken the pain medication since yesterday afternoon." Rossi took a drink, again trying to watch for any signs that his friend was holding something back.

Taking a deep-breath, wanting Dave's little interrogation to be over Aaron looked up, "I've got drops to help with the healing of my ear-drum, as well as drops for the pain, if I need them."

Motioning the waitress for the check Dave noticed some of Aaron's exterior slip as the younger man closed his eye's, rubbing his forehead, "Don't try and ignore it Aaron, it will only take you longer to heal if you do." A subtle nod was Dave's only indication that Hotch was listening, Rossi paid the tab and the two men left.

Pulling up in front of Hotch's apartment building Dave shut the engine off, turning slightly to look at his friend. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay? You're more than welcome to stay with me a little longer." However Dave already knew the answer and it was only punctuated by the fact that Aaron had unbuckled his seatbelt.

"I appreciate everything you've done, but since I've been okayed to head back to the office, I think its best this way and like I mentioned before, I need some time to myself." Opening the door Hotch stepped out, reaching into the back to retrieve his bag.

"Please, just call if you need anything, if not me then at least call Morgan. You don't have to go through this alone." Dave gave it one last attempt to keep the fragile communication lines open, still worried that his little outburst from the night before was what was contributing to the younger man wanting to return home.

"Thanks Dave." Hotch said as he closed the door and headed into his building. Dave watched until his friend disappeared into the shadowed interior of the complex. Reluctantly he turned on the ignition, put the vehicle in gear and headed back toward his place.

An uncontrolled weariness seemed to over take Hotch as he slipped his key into the door and pushed it open. Dropping the keys on the table just inside, then placing his go bag on the floor next to the same table, Aaron made his way over to his recliner, sitting heavily. The last two days that he had been at Dave's he hadn't slept much, the nightmares of that night not allowing it. All he could see was Kate's bloody form lying in the middle of that street with rescue crews helplessly sitting at the end of the block. Looking at his hands he could still see and feel the dying agent's blood that had covered them completely.

Hotch had known, somewhere deep in his soul, when he had turned Kate on her side to find the source of the bleeding and could see what appeared to be her spine exposed through the torn flesh of her back that the woman before him wasn't going to make it. He remembered pushing that thought from his head as he pinched off the bleeder that he could see, then desperately tried to keep his friend awake until helped arrived. Panic set in when he had tried to move her, to carry her to safety, and she had lost consciousness. He remembered a moment of relief in the ambulance when she called his name; only for the medic turned UNSUB to start shouting that he was losing her.

His last image of Kate before he found her lifeless body in the OR was of the Bomber, playing medic, straddling her as he did compressions on her while the ER doctors rushed her toward surgery. It was at that moment his world started to tilt as his own injuries started to demand his attention, causing him to collapse in the middle of the emergency room.

The vision of Kate's pale, lifeless face filled his mind as her eye's opened, _"Aaron?"_

Hotch startled awake, the sound of Kate's voice echoing in his head as he rubbed his hands over his face, leaning forward in his chair. An overwhelming sense of nausea suddenly caused him to rush toward the restroom, emptying what little he had eaten at lunch. Flushing the toilet Aaron allowed himself to sit back against the tub, closing his eyes as he tried to stop the shaking that came with the vomiting. Reaching toward his collar he loosened and removed his tie, unbuttoning the two top buttons of his shirt. It was only then that he realized he still had his suit coat on, leaning up slightly he haphazardly removed and tossed it, with his tie, into the corner of the bathroom.

Giving himself a minute, Hotch finally pushed himself up, grabbing onto the sink for stability. For the first time since the explosion he really looked at himself in the mirror; small cuts and bruises littered his face, near his eyebrow and chin. But what startled him more was the dark circles that had formed around his eyes and the pale, drawn, and exhausted expression that looked back at him. Aaron couldn't remember a time he had ever looked this bad, "No wonder everyone seems so worried about me." He mumbled to himself.

Rinsing his mouth out, he slowly made his way toward his room. He removed the rest of his suit, changing into pajama pants and a tee-shirt, before climbing into bed, sleep claiming him before his head hit the pillow.

Morning came before daybreak as the nightmares continued to interrupt the sleep his body was so desperately craving. With so little rest his mind was slightly fuzzy and his body ached more, the bruises slowly starting to fade, but the soreness remaining. Making his way toward the bathroom, Hotch turned on the shower as hot as he could stand it and stepped in, allowing the water to run over his face, over his head and down his back and chest, the heat offering some relief from the soreness.

Not knowing how long he had been in there, Aaron only stepped from the shower when the water turned tepid, then slowly got dressed in a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt. Running his hand over the fogged up mirror he again noticed the exhausted, weary look that stared back at him. Rubbing his face he decided that he would ignore his morning routine of shaving as he ran the towel over his head, removing the water beads that were dripping down the side of his face.

Taking a step from the bathroom he put his hand on the wall in the hallway as a pain shot through his head, radiating from his ear. A few deep breaths and his stubbornness had him ignoring it as he slowly walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. Grabbing an over the counter pain killer he took one more than the recommended dose, having thrown away the prescription pain-killer, not liking the effects it had on him. Then he poured a cup of coffee, sitting on the stool near the counter as he tried to decide what he was going to do for the day.

Looking at the clock on the wall he noticed that it was nearing seven, he slowly made his way back to his room, coffee cup in hand, to get dressed for the day. Once dressed in jeans and a pull-over he picked up the phone, remembering to put it up to his left ear, and dialed the familiar number, after a couple rings an all too familiar voice picked up.

"Hello"

Taking a deep-breath Aaron spoke, "Haley?"

Though they had been separated for several months they had kept their relationship on good terms for Jack's sake. Even though it had been hard on them both, Haley did make an effort to allow Aaron to see Jack when he could, but it was unusual for her to get a call from her ex-husband this early in the morning on a weekday. With an uneasy feeling that she would get on the occasions that Aaron had been hurt or a case was unusually bad Haley answered, "Aaron?" when after a couple seconds he didn't answer her worry spiked, "Aaron, are you all right?"

She could hear him breathing on the other end of the line so she knew he hadn't hung up, but the longer it took him to answer the more concerned she became that she should try and call someone from his team, to see what was going on. The Aaron she knew was a strong man, unwavering man. Someone who rarely showed weakness, but as she heard him clear his throat she felt a spike of fear she hadn't had since Boston.

"I don't know." Those three, nearly whispered words had Haley standing up, heading for her purse to retrieve her cell phone, she still had Agent Jennifer Jeauru on speed-dial in case she ever had to get a hold of Aaron incase of an emergency.

"Aaron, where are you? Are you hurt? You're scaring me." Haley's finger was just about to hit the key to contact JJ when Hotch answered.

"I'm at home, can…can I come over? I need to see Jack." The pleading that was so unnatural in his voice had Haley walking toward Jack's room to check on her still sleeping son.

"Of course Aaron." The young woman trying to hide the worry in her voice.

"I'll be there soon, thank you Haley." With that the line disconnected, leaving Haley holding an empty line. Looking at her son, then thinking about his father, Haley knew something must have happened over the past week since she had last seen her ex-husband to have him sound so shaken, so empty.


	8. Chapter 7

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 7  
Disclaimer: see chapter 1

_A/N: I just can't make Haley the jilted ex. I believe she still cares for Hotch and write her as so. Hope you enjoy-Montez_

Haley headed downstairs toward the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Aaron had given her the house after the divorce so Jack wouldn't have any more disruption in his life than he already had. She was still getting use to Aaron not being around the house. It had been a while since the coffee machine had been used; Aaron had been the only one who drank the coffee.

Twenty minutes later she heard a car door shut as she made her way toward the front door, pulling it open as he raised his hand to ring the bell. The sight before her had her recalling his recover after the bombing in Boston, the cuts and bruises on his face, the pale, exhausted expression, his slow movements telling her that the man before her was hurt more than he was leading on. "Oh Aaron…" She whispered as his tired, hollow eyes met hers. She stepped back allowing him to wordlessly enter, he stopped and looked at her, not sure if he should take it upon himself to find a seat that his body was crying out for. "Please, sit down. What…what happened? Are you sure you are all right? Do I need to call someone?"

Walking slowly toward the couch Hotch lowered himself as Haley sat at the other end, "Is Jack still asleep?" Aaron asked quietly, not sure if he should explain what happened, but knowing she would continue to worry if he didn't let her know that physically he was okay.

"Yeah, I made coffee, would you like some?" Haley had learned from her years of being married to the man that when Aaron was hurt or something was bothering him, it took him time to figure out how to tell her without causing undo worry, but looking at the man she still loved, but couldn't live with, her worry was through the roof.

"That would be great." Hotch tried to smile, but it never reached his eyes.

A moment later Haley returned with a cup of coffee, then returned to her spot at the end of the couch. After a few minutes of silence she asked what she was almost afraid to ask, "Is everyone else all right?" the young woman knew if anything ever happened to a member of Aaron's team it would devastate the man.

"The team is fine." Finally meeting her eyes, he saw genuine concern reflected back. He never expected anything less from his ex-wife; she always did worry about those around her.

"What about you?" she asked, still not knowing what had happened to leave Aaron so battered and broken.

"I don't really know." His attention returned to his coffee.

The honesty of those four words scared Haley, moving a little closer she laid a hand on his arm, "Aaron, what happened?"

Blowing out a deep-breath Hotch leaned forward, putting his coffee cup on the table. Clasping his hands in front of him, Aaron spoke quietly. "We were in New York, a series of seemingly random murders, but we started to figure out it was something much larger, but before we could stop it there was a car bomb."

Haley's hand went to her mouth, she remembered seeing something about an apparent car bomb in New York a few days ago on the news, it had happened in the middle of the night, there were only two injuries, one a fatality. She never even thought about Aaron being in New York, she hadn't heard from him in about a week and he hadn't mentioned anything about being called away. As she sat recalling the information that she had seen on the television it suddenly clicked. Aaron's bruised and cut-up appearance, his slow movements, his hollow expression, he had been one of the injured people. But if his team was all right, who was the fatality? "Oh God Aaron, why didn't someone call me? Are you sure you are okay?" She placed her hand on his back.

"Yeah, it's mostly bruising and a few scraps and cuts. I have some damage to my eardrums that will take some time to heal, but physically I should be okay soon." He glanced again at his ex-wife, missing having her in his life, but understanding why she had done what she did.

"Aaron, on the news they said that someone was killed in that bombing. If the team is okay, who was the other person?" Haley watched him struggle with his underlying emotions, which was something he had done throughout their marriage, tried to not show weakness, even to her.

"It was the head of the New York Office, Agent Kate Joyner; it was her SUV that we were approaching." Leaning back Hotch ran his hand over his face, the images of watching the replay of the explosion that the team had showed him flooding his mind, taking a deep-breath he fought to try and rein in his emotions.

"I am so sorry Aaron." A moment of silence passed before Haley spoke again, "Are you sure you are okay? Is there anything I can do?"

Shaking his head slightly he looked again in the eye's of the woman who had stolen his heart in high school only for him to break hers all these years later. "I just really needed to see Jack, is it okay if I hang around for a little while today?"

"Of course, maybe we can go to the park and have lunch." Haley knew she wouldn't get any other information from Aaron, but if seeing Jack and spending the day with him would help Aaron to heal from what had happened then she wouldn't stand in the way.

Hotch nodded at the idea, he wasn't sure if he would be able to eat, but he knew he needed to see his son. The injured man watched as Haley stood, "I'll go check on Jack, he should be waking up soon." With that she headed up the stairs, leaving Aaron on the couch. Taking a moment he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, allowing his body to relax in the familiar surroundings that were once his home.

His eye's opened slowly. It took Hotch a minute to remember where he was, the house he use to share with Haley and Jack. The house was silent except for soft music coming from the kitchen. Aaron hadn't realized that he had dozed off once Haley had gone upstairs. After another minute he noticed a slight weight leaning against his side, moving cautiously he turned his head and saw the small, brown-haired head that belonged to his son.

"He was so excited to see you on the couch that I was barely able to keep him from waking you up." Haley's quiet voice came from the dining room entrance.

Turning his head to look at his ex-wife, he looked back toward his son, placing his hand on the small boys head. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Couple hours, you looked so exhausted. I told him he could sit next to you until you woke up, then he just leaned over and fell asleep against you." Haley made her way toward the end of the couch, watching as Aaron continued to run his hand over his son's head.

"I'm sorry; I didn't come over here to sleep." Hotch's gaze met hers.

"You looked like you needed it, you haven't gotten much the last few days have you?" As much as he always tried Aaron was rarely able to hide as much from Haley as he wanted.

"No, I haven't." He looked back toward Jack as the child shifted, his eye's blinking open as he rose up, brown eye's meeting brown eyes.

"Daddy!" Jack said loudly, Aaron wincing slightly at the sound, but never the less grateful that he could still hear it.

"Hey Buddy." Hotch braced himself as Jack climbed up into his lap.

Haley noticed Aaron stiffen slightly, "Easy Jack, Daddy's sore."

Worried eye's looked into Hotch's, as tiny hands moved toward his face. "Daddy's gots a booboo…" the small voice trailed as his fingers touched the cuts above Aaron's eyebrow and on his chin.

"Yeah Buddy, Daddy has a booboo." Aaron watched the mix expressions that crossed the young child's face, before he noticed the little wrinkle that came up between his son's eyebrows.

"Are you okay Daddy? Did the bad guy hurt you?" Hotch had always told Jack that he helped catch bad guys, that's why he was gone so much.

Nodding his head slightly Aaron answered his son as he glanced at his ex-wife then back to his son. "Yeah, Daddy got hurt by the bad guy, but I'm okay now, just a little sore is all, but I'll be fine."

A determined look crossed Jack's face, "Did you get the bad guy for hurting you?"

Pulling his son to him, needing to feel the child in his arms, Hotch kissed the top of his son's head, "Yeah Buddy, we got the bad guy."

"Good." Jack mumbled against his father's chest, as they sat for a moment, both taking comfort from each other.

After a couple minutes Haley spoke. "Hey Jack, Daddy's going to spend the day with us, do you want to go to the park for lunch?"

Jack couldn't help the excitement that overtook him as he bounced in his father's lap, Hotch again wincing as the child moved. "Yea, Daddy's coming too!"

Haley spoke again, "Why don't you go upstairs and change, then I'll get our lunch together."

Looking back at his father, Jack climbed off his lap and grabbed Aaron's arm, "Daddy come help me get dressed?"

Easing his self to the edge of the couch, Hotch slowly stood, "Sure Buddy." He smiled as he allowed the young boy to drag him toward the stairs.

Haley watched as the two headed upstairs, she knew Aaron was still exhausted, if possible he looked slightly worse than when he had shown up on the doorstep a couple hours ago. She finally stood and headed to the kitchen, wanting to make sure she made something that Aaron would eat.


	9. Chapter 9

Slowly into the Light  
By Montez  
Chapter 8

_A/N: Yes, I'm finally back. So very sorry for those who have been faithful and patient over the last nearly two years. My goodness has it really been that long since I left this story. I am truely sorry. If you are a fellow writer you know the drama of plowing through a story at full speed just to slam into that brick wall called 'writers block'. My muse had escaped from the BAU and had ventured into several other venues over that last two years, but finally the awesome members of that elite group have finally tracked it down and rangled it into submission. My plan is for this story to be wrapped up in two or three more chapters, which are currently in the works and yes I have been chained to my computer by Hotch himself, so now I'm determined to finish this adventure because God knows the man has suffered enough over the last two years. I'm hoping I haven't been so far removed that I screw this up royally, I have reviewed my previous chapters to hopefully keep the feel flowing, but it is hard to come back to something after so long. I hope what I've written will tie this story up neatly and to your liking, I owe you all that. Thank you so much for not throwing me in some dark-scary room and giving me time to finish this. Hope you enjoy!-Montez_

_A/N#2: My thoughts and prayers go out to all those in Colorado-God be with you all!-Montez_

Haley sat at the picnic table and watched Aaron watching Jack as the small boy played on the nearby swings. Over the years of their marriage she had learned to read him almost as well as he was able to profile the criminals he chased and right now what she saw nearly broke her heart. The man she still loved was in pain, more pain than he was even willing to admit to, both physical and emotional. She watched as he would unconsciously rub his forehead and around his right ear, wincing occasionally when the children on the playground became too loud.

She had asked him on the way to the park when he was returning to work and he had commented that he was heading back to the office the next day, but it would another week before the doctor gave him a time line on field duty. Though now that they were divorced she tried to not involve herself too much in his work life, Haley made a mental note to contact JJ to make sure someone was keeping an eye on Aaron, since she knew he would put the job above his own wellbeing when it came to catching the horrific monsters his team specialized in.

As they sat and ate their lunch; turkey sandwiches on wheat, with lettuce and mayo, like Aaron liked it, Haley watched as Jack talked animatedly to his father about what had gone on since they had last seen each other. She noticed at times that Aaron would nod or just look at his son as if he wasn't hearing what the child was saying, only knowing he needed to keep looking at the small boy to not upset him. Haley also noticed that her ex-husband was only picking at his food, only taking a couple bits.

It was late afternoon when they arrived back at the house, Jack hugging his father tightly as Aaron winced, then the small boy bound into the living room to watch his favorite cartoon. Hotch stayed near the door as Haley looked worriedly at him, "Are you sure you should go back to work tomorrow?"

Again rubbing his ear, taking a couple deep breaths to ease the pain that was trying to push through he attempted a smile, but a grimes was all he could manage, "I can't sit around, I need the distraction. Besides it's the only think I know to do." He could see the worry in her eyes, knew in his heart that she was genuinely concerned and appreciated it. "Thanks for today."

She pulled him into a hug, mindful of his pain, "I hope it helped."

"It did, more than you know." Aaron pulled back, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before slowly making his way to his car.

Haley watched him leave, then headed toward the kitchen retrieving her cell from her purse. Standing in the entrance to the living room checking on Jack, she found the contact number for Agent Jeauru. Taking a deep breath she pushed call and waited as the ringing was heard from the other end.

Arriving back at his apartment Hotch drug himself through the door, securing the lock, he painstakingly made his way to his bedroom. He had truly loved seeing his son today, he needed that reassurance that what he did was worth it and watching Jack running and laughing on the playground today reminded him it was. Sitting wearily on his bed he put his head in his hands, God he was tired and his head hurt, the sharp pains that had shot through his ear throughout the day had required all his will power to not cry out in agony.

Reaching toward the over-the-counter pain killer that sat on his nightstand he downed three pills and without pulling of the clothes he was wearing he laid over. Closing his eye's he prayed for few hours of pain-free and nightmare-free sleep, however he knew that was not meant to be.

It took every ounce of energy he could find, and that wasn't much, to pull himself from his bed to get ready to head for the office. Hotch had tossed and turned most of the night, between the pain and Kate haunting his nightmares he had managed a grand total of two hours sleep. Dragging himself to the bathroom he carried out his morning routine, this time including the shave, then slowly made his way back toward his room to get dressed.

Thirty minutes before he was due to leave there was a knock at the door, placing his coffee on the counter Hotch made his way to the door, looking through the peep-hole. Undoing the chain and the dead-bolt he pulled the door open revealing the smiling though concerned face of Dave Rossi. Backing up so the older man could enter Hotch spoke quietly, "Dave, what are you doing here?"

Dave turned and looked at the young friend, just in the week since everything had happened Rossi could see that the Unit Chief's suit was hanging loose on him, which told the older man that Hotch obviously hadn't been eating since he left his house two days ago, the dark shadows under his eye's only accented the pale, drawn features of the younger man, but it was the heartbreaking pain Dave could see Aaron so desperately trying to hid that told him he had made the right choice of swinging by and insisting Aaron ride with him to word today. Especially after JJ's call the night before, the junior agent telling him of her conversation with Haley. "I've come to see if I could possibly talk you into taking a few more days off, but with the appearance of the suit you're wearing, unless that's your leisure look, I guess my argument would fall on 'deaf-ears', so to speak." Dave's comment was intended to remind Hotch of his current disadvantage and that it wasn't forgotten by those around him.

"I've been cleared to return to the office." Aaron immediately went on the defensive, crossing the room to grab his badge, gun and keys from the dining room table.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to, you don't need to push yourself before you're ready." Dave knew his friend wouldn't listen, but he needed to make the effort.

A pain shot through Hotch's ear at that moment, causing a quiet intake of breath as he tried to hide it from the older Agent, causing him to snap, "What am I suppose to do? Sit around here and think of all the different ways things could have played out? I need to get back to work."

"Ah yes, that Aaron Hotchner, 'the FBI can't function unless I'm at the office' mentality. Doesn't matter whether it's the best thing for you or not, the job comes first, right?" Dave would not let Aaron keep up with this self-pity trip if he could help it.

A hard glare was all that met the veteran profiler before Hotch crossed the room grabbing his briefcase. "Is there a reason you're here?"

Smiling just to annoy the younger man Dave shifted his mood, "Yes, I'm your ride."

"I don't need a ride." Hotch opened the door as the two men left the apartment.

"I wasn't asking, I was telling." Dave smiled.

Not wanting to argue and secretly admitting to himself that he was just to exhausted to drive Hotch relented and followed Dave to the older man's vehicle. The trip to the office was silent as Aaron faced the passenger window, rubbing his head as Dave kept one eye on the road and one on his friend.

Surprisingly everyone was at the office by the time Rossi and Hotch arrived. An unusual occurrence since Hotch was always a good half an hour ahead of the rest of his team. Without a word Hotch made his way to his office, feeling the eye's of his team on him, but deciding to leave Dave to answer whatever questions they wanted to ask, Closing his door he knew at some point the would see each member of his team today, their way of checking up on him. On one hand he appreciated that they cared that much, on the other he was annoyed by the attention. Crossing the room, he placed his briefcase on the desk and noticed a coup of coffee on the surface. The colorful mug not his style but between that and the orange-haired troll doll next to it, he knew it was Garcia's way of trying to lift his mood and he couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face as he sat in the chair and took the cup in his hands. It was still hot meaning the younger woman had been in his office just moments before he arrived, picking up the troll after taking a drink he sat it next to the picture of Jack he kept on his desk, opening his briefcase he pulled out the green-haired one that had been left in his hospital room, sitting on the other side of the frame. Closing his case and placing it on the floor, he sat the mug down and reached for the top file on the stack of paperwork that resided on his desk.

Down in the bull-pen Dave and the rest of the team watched Aaron slowly make his way to his office and close the door. Morgan was the first to speak, "How is he this morning?"

"Obstructive as usual." Dave said quietly. "I don't think he's gotten much sleep the last couple nights and when he was at my place he kept waking up from nightmares. He's not eating and between what Haley told JJ and what I've seen, he's trying really hard to hide how much pain he's in."

"Haley also mentioned that there were several times yesterday that it appeared Hotch couldn't hear what was going on around him." JJ added.

"Do we know how long the hearing loss might last?" Reid asked quietly, his eye's glancing toward his boss's office then back to the group.

"He's not giving me much information, all I know for sure is he goes back next week to talk to the doctor about returning to field duty, right now he's only released for desk duty." Dave moved toward the stairs that led to his office.

"Let's hope we don't get called away then." Prentiss added as they all made their way back to their own desks, each occasionally stealing looks toward the closed door at the top of the stairs.


	10. Chapter 10

Slowly into the Light  
By Montez  
Chapter 9

Disclamier: see chapter one

_A/N: Thanks for all the positive responses to my very late return to this story. You guys are wonderful to wait for me like this. Hope you enjoy this next chapter-Montez_

Much to the team's relief the cases they received over the following two weeks could all be consulted on via; phone conference, video conference or email. This gave them all time to regroup after the events in New York, but more importantly gave Hotch time to heal. The small cuts and bruises had all but faded and only occasionally did any of them notice a pinched expression or a lapse in conversation giving hint to the continued issues with their Unit Chief's hearing. However, the dark circles remained under his eyes indicating the continued lack of sleep, being the profilers they were they could clearly see through his faux façade of appearing normal as the lines of exhaustion shown like a neon-sign across his pale, thin face. His lack of appetite was still clearly visible as his suits appeared to swallow him at times.

After two weeks Aaron got released for field duty, much to the team's surprise, and each member decided that they would try their best to keep an extra eye on their boss, their friend, while in the field. Two days after Hotch's reinstatement a case arrived that required the team to fly to a small town in Ohio, Lower Canaan. The death of a woman in the same manor of a series of deaths several years before warranted their involvement, but the one thing that made this copy-cat case so bizarre was the current killers DNA matched that of the executed killer from the previous murders.

Morgan noticed it first, while they were still on the plane, when Hotch's face pinched with pain, his hand automatically going to his forehead, then right ear. "Hotch, you sure you're cleared to fly?" The glance the older man gave the younger agent told Derek all he needed to know, Hotch may have been cleared for field work, but he hadn't necessarily been cleared to fly. Once Aaron lowered his gaze, closing his eyes against the pain, Morgan looked up over his shoulder, to make sure Rossi had seen the exchange; a slight nod let him know Dave had seen everything.

Upon reaching the small town and going over everything Sheriff Dobson had, the BAU team knew it was a copy-cat who had very intimate knowledge of the previous case and had possibly had contact with the executed killer known as the 'Angel Maker'. They found many people in the town honestly believed that the killer had somehow come back to life and insisted that the sheriff dig up the body. Rossi, Prentiss and Hotch were at the cemetery with the sheriff, trying to make him see that by digging up the executed murder he was only playing into the game the new killer was orchestrating, the illusion and fear that the 'Angel Maker' was back. Knowing the only way to put those rumors to rest was to exhume the body, the Sheriff felt he had no choice but to carry out the exhumation. The three members of the BAU were next to him as the backhoe pulled the casket to the surface.

The reaction was almost instant, as soon as the machine started up and the chains tightened with a high-pitch screech a pain shot through Hotch's head like he hadn't had for a couple weeks. Yes, over the last week the pain was still there, usually dull most of the time and yes his hearing would go in and out, but this pain made him dizzy, almost nauseas. He put his hand to his head and stepped back from the group, his eye's shut, his hands covering both ears, but pressing mercilessly against his right, silently praying for the noise to stop.

Through the pain he felt a touch on his arm; forcing his eyes open he saw the very concerned face of Emily looking at him, reaching her hand out to help steady his staggered movements. "Hotch, are you okay? Is there something I can do?" is what it appeared she was saying to him, but he couldn't be sure, he couldn't hear her and the pain was making it so heard to concentrate on the words her mouth was forming.

Aaron was trying to tell himself he was okay, trying to convey that to Prentiss as she continued to try and help him. The noise only lasted moments but to Hotch it seemed to go on forever, when it finally stopped it was as if he had just gotten off a carnival ride and couldn't get his bearings. "I'm okay, I'm okay…" He mumbled out, a look of mild relief crossed Emily's face as the older man finally seemed coherent again. She knew not to push and stepped back, her eye's meeting Dave's whose face was clouded with worry, he knew it was too soon for Hotch to be in the field, but could only assume the younger man had some how convinced the doctor he was okay.

Once back at the sheriff's office the team tried to figure out just how it was that the murder's coffin was indeed empty, knowing this was going to cause the town to border on hysteria once the news got out. During this time Dave pulled Morgan aside. "He had a problem at the cemetery, the noise of the backhoe." Derek nodded, understanding exactly what Rossi was saying.

"Is he going to hang back here or is he still going out with us?" Morgan asked, already knowing the answer. He knew on the plane when the pressure caused his boss problems that him being in the field was not in the older man's best interest, but he also knew just how stubborn the Unit Chief could be.

"He's probably going to keep playing the stubborn ass that he is and do his best to push his way through the pain." Dave replied, a humorless smirk crossing his face as he glanced across the room, watching Hotch and Reid discuss something.

"So what do we do?" Derek hated to see the man in question in such pain, the images of that night in New York still woke him with vivid nightmares of realizing it was Hotch and Kate Joyner that were involved in the car bomb, hearing his bosses pleading voice begging for help still made Derek sick to his stomach. Then the man's collapse at the hospital and the time not knowing if he would even wake-up and finally the morning they left New York when Rossi and he found Hotch nearly unresponsive from the pain in his hotel room. It made the younger man wish he could bring that punk that set the IED and the man who'd planted the bomb at the hospital back to life just so he could beat them to death with his bare hands for what they had done to his boss, his friend.

"Keep an eye out, like we've talked about, try to keep him away from anything loud. I honestly didn't even think about how loud that backhoe would be until he reacted." Dave had chastised himself for that lack of foresight since it had happened.

Any further discussion was halted by Hotch's voice, "Dave, Morgan we think we've got something." Rossi patted Derek's shoulder before heading across the room to hopefully find an end to this case.

Chloe Kelcher, Chloe was the copy-cat killer and now they were all standing outside the home of the potential last victim of her disillusioned killing spree, Faye Landreaux. Kelcher's car was easily found, they knew they were only minutes behind her. Dobson wanted to go in, fearing for Landreaux life, but Hotch pointed out that Chloe had a gun and she could just as easily shoot Faye if they stormed the house. Instead he sent Morgan to look for an open window, Kelcher's calling card, Aaron then order the sheriff to get all of their vehicles and turn them toward the house; he was setting up a diversion to give Derek enough time to get inside and hopefully save the soon-to-be victim/hostage.

The diversion worked, Derek got Faye out and everyone outside could hear Chloe tearing up the house at the thought of losing her last connection to the man she had loved, the man she had been killing for, the 'Angel Maker'. Then there were a few moments of silence before the front door opened and Chloe walked out, a gun hanging loosely in her hand. "Chloe drop the weapon!" Hotch yelled as he, the sheriff and the rest of the BAU and Lower Canaan officers pointed their's at her. "Chloe drop the weapon!"

The look that crossed the woman's face told everyone there that she wasn't going to comply, they watched as Chloe looked skyward, her lips whispering something before her gaze landed back on the officers in front of her. With a final, maniacal grin she raised her gun as the sound of Sheriff Dobson's firearm filled the air.

In that very instant Dave saw Hotch reel back, doubling over. For a half a second he thought he'd missed Chloe firing her gun, but when he saw Aaron's hands over his ears, he again chastised himself for not realizing where Hotch was standing in this stand-off. Rossi quickly holstered his weapon once Emily and the Sheriff moved forward and turned toward the younger man who was now kneeling against the back of the police cruiser, oblivious to what was going on around him, his gun still in his left hand.

"Hotch!" Dave called out, grabbing the younger man as he pitched forward. However, Rossi was unprepared for the dead weight when he grabbed Aaron's arms, "Aaron!… I need an ambulance!" the older Profilers loud voice drew the attention of the sheriff and the rest of the BAU as he lowered his now unconscious friend to the ground.


	11. Chapter 11

Slowly into the Light  
By: Montez  
Chapter 10

Disclaimer: See chapter one

It was a touch and smell that greeted SSA Aaron Hotchner back to awareness. The smell was the overwhelming antiseptic cleanliness of a hospital. The touch was a slight pressure around his left bicep and a warm weight around his right wrist. His head hurt much like it had after the explosion in New York, a nearly overwhelming sensation that the pain-killers could only dull, not completely take away. He couldn't remember why he was in the hospital again and for a moment his breath hitched in his chest as he realized he couldn't hear any of the faint hospital noises that were always in the background, even during the quiet of night.

The weight on his wrist increased slightly, another touch coming up to rub his upper arm, a comforting touch, one to help keep him calm, but he could feel the panic rising as the lack of sound continued. Finally through the fog of exhaustion, that he could still feel, he finally managed to open his eyes. It was the worried, dark-brown eyes of David Rossi that met his tired and slightly scared gaze.

Dave knew Hotch could read lips so when he saw the younger man's eyes finally open, feeling the tension increase in the injured man's arm, he made sure he was in Aaron's line of sight before he spoke slowly, "You with me?"

Pinching his eye's shut Hotch nodded slightly, stopping as soon as pain shot through his head, radiating from his right ear, causing him to turn on his side, a muffled moan escaping his mouth. It was another firmer touch on his shoulder that helped ground him through the pain as he felt the blood-pressure cuff activate and his sleep-starved body give in and drew him back into the darkness.

Just then the nurse entered there room, noticing Rossi standing next to Hotch's bed, the unconscious man now curled onto his right side, Dave's arm resting on his friend's shoulder. "Is everything all right?" She asked.

Dave looked at his friend, the lines of pain still clear on the younger man's face. The veteran profiler ran his hand through his hair and faced the young woman. "He woke up for a second, I don't think he could hear anything, then the pain hit and he passed out." Rossi watched as the nurse stepped forward to take vitals, noting the slight spike in her patient's blood pressure.

"I'll let the doctor know." The young nurse responded, giving Rossi what appeared to be a reassuring smile, which did nothing to reassure the older man, before leaving the room.

Dave returned to his seat, glancing at his watch; 2:53 am. It had been a long six hours since Hotch had collapsed at the scene. It had taken some doing before Rossi could convince the rest of the BAU to head back to the hotel and that he'd call them if anything changed.

The older profiler had ridden with his younger counterpart, the collapse unnerving him; it was too reminiscent of New York, after thinking Aaron was fine only to learn he was more injured than anyone realized. Now, even though the doctors had reassured the team that it was mostly the pain and exhaustion that had caused this latest episode, it didn't make watching his friend laying unconscious in a hospital bed any easier.

Silence had again settled when the door opened slowly, Dave glanced up and saw Morgan coming through, two cups of coffee in his hands. "How's he doing?" the dark-skinned profiler asked, handing Rossi one of the cups.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. He woke up for a minute, but I don't think he could hear and the pain caused him to loss consciousness again. I thought I told you all to go back to the hotel." Taking a sip of the hot beverage Dave looked at Derek.

"Couldn't sleep even if I wanted to." Morgan looked at his sleeping boss, his gut churning. "This is too much too soon. Besides once Garcia learned about what happened she told me in no uncertain turns that I was to quote, 'keep an eye on our boss man and let me know if anything changes no matter the time and if you don't I won't answer your calls for the next month', end quote." Derek pulled the other chair in the room closer to Rossi.

"She can be very intimidating when she wants to be can't she?" Dave gave Morgan a small grin.

"You have no idea." Derek shook his head as he took a drink of his coffee. His voice took on a somber tone as he continued, "She's called me several times over the last couple weeks in the middle of the night because she wakes of crying…she can't get the images of watching the explosion out of her mind…" the younger man's gaze fell on his friend in the bed, "We've had some close calls, but this time…this time was too close…to reminiscent of Boston."

Dave nodded, that incident had crossed the older man's mind as well, this makes two explosions that Hotch had survived, if only barely and Rossi prayed there would never be a third. With those thoughts both men settled in, finished their coffee and kept vigil over their friend.

The next time Aaron awoke, sunlight was streaming through the partially closed blinds and Morgan was sitting in the chair next to the bed with his eye's closed. Hotch turned his head slowly, pain still present but thankfully not as intense. Feeling a touch on his arm he slowly turned back to find Derek standing next to the bed, "Hotch, can you hear me?"

Morgan noticed his friend's brow crease, "Morgan?" Hotch raised his hand to his forehead, his mind slowly clicking the last twenty-fours events into place, he remembered Chloe coming out of the house and not much else except pain. Now it was dull pain and a low buzzing in his ears telling him something had happened that may have damaged his ears even further. "What happened?"

"You didn't answer, can you hear me?" Derek asked again, waiting for the answer he knew would be coming since Hotch was talking louder than normal.

"Buzzing…all I hear is buzzing…where's Dave?" Hotch vaguely remembered Rossi being there, but he couldn't pin-point when.

Morgan now knew his boss couldn't hear him, so he kept eye contact and spoke slowly so Hotch could read his lips, "Rossi's gone for coffee, how are you feeling?"

For a moment Aaron contemplated going with his usual line of 'I'm fine', but the tiredness he saw in his agents face and the fact he was back in the hospital made the older man decide to be honest, he owed Derek that, both him and Rossi had been sticking close to him these last weeks, despite his continued grumpy mood. "Tired…head hurts and I hate that I can't hear." Hotch pushed himself up more, Morgan finding the button to raise the head of the bed.

Squeezing the injured man's arm Derek shook his head, "I'm not surprised, you were standing right next to Sheriff Dobson when he shot Chloe, from what the doctor's say the sound of the gunshot so close re-injured your healing ear drum and because you haven't been sleeping…don't look at me like that, you're surrounded by profilers, you don't think we hadn't noticed?" The look that crossed Aaron's face made it seem like he was actually surprised everyone knew just how exhausted he had been. "Anyway, between you not eating, not sleeping and the shock of the pain, you collapsed."

Though he'd been honest enough, Hotch didn't really like being read that easy, it unnerved him some, so he decided to try and refocus attention to another question, "When can I get out of here? Have the other's headed back?"

At that Derek sat down, putting his head in his hands, the last several weeks finally weighing on him. Shaking his head, he sat back, crossing his legs and just staring at Hotch a moment before he spoke. "You know Hotch; I just don't understand you sometimes." Aaron honestly looked perplexed. "Haven't you realized anything about your team yet? No, the rest of the team is at the sheriff's office finishing up our end of the investigation and even if they hadn't needed to be there, it has taken everything Rossi and I have to keep them from camping out in here or the waiting room. Contrary to what you want to think we care about you whether you like it or not. No one was going to leave town until you could."

Hotch knew these people cared, he'd seen it over and over again, but he hated to have people worry about him. That's why he's always hidden his emotions, always kept things close to the vest; he didn't want people worrying about him. Yes he worried about his people, even before the divorce Aaron had viewed his team as an extended family, they became more important to him after the divorce. There were some days that, other than Jack, the group of people he was surrounded with were the only things keeping him going, giving him reason to get out of bed. So deep down he knew they cared for him as much as he cared for them, but that didn't mean he felt he was worth it.

Before Derek could answer the second question the hospital room door opened and Rossi, along with Hotch's doctor walked in, the older profiler handing Morgan a cup of coffee, giving him a 'what's going on look?'. At that younger profiler just shook his head as the voice of the doctor filled the room.

"Agent Hotchner, good to see you awake. Can you tell me if you can hear me and how you feel?" The white-haired man flipped through Aaron's chart as he waited for his patient to answer.

Blowing out a deep-breath, clearly still tired and getting more agitated by the minute he leaned his head back, "All I hear is buzzing and I'm tired, now when can I get out of here?" Aaron had taken to heart what Morgan had said, but old habits die hard and willingly allowing people to care for him would take some time. Aside from that he still didn't like hospitals and just really wanted to go home, maybe take some of those accrued sick days he's had over his years of service and sleep for a week. That is if the nightmares would leave him alone.

The doctor could read the tension coming off his patient, he'd seen this with law enforcement officers before, so he had a little experience dealing with stubborn types. "Agent Hotchner, you're going to be lucky if you didn't permanently damage your hearing, I'm surprised your doctor released you to be in the field, let alone fly with your ear drum still damaged." That is what the doctor was looking for, that slight look of guilt telling him that maybe the man's doctor hadn't necessarily released him for everything that he'd obviously been doing. "Okay, that's what I thought. When you return home you need to go back to your specialist because there isn't much I can do for you other than give you something to help with the pain. Now, as far as when you can leave, I am insisting you stay another night, I wasn't happy with you your blood work or your blood pressure. According to your friends here…" The doctor motioned to Rossi and Morgan, "You haven't been eating or sleeping much," Aaron tried his best to glare at his friends. "I would have been able to tell, even without them telling me." The doctor mentally rolled his eye's at the man thinking a doctor wouldn't be able to already tell these things. "I want you to stay on an IV for the rest of today, if you eat something of substance this evening, and I'll allow you friends to bring something in for you if it will help, I'll see about releasing you tomorrow morning, but I will not sign off on you flying back to Washington, nor will I release you for duty until you have seen you doctor there."

Dave had been watching Hotch and listening closely to what the doctor had been saying, by the end of the doctor's comments Rossi couldn't help the small chuckle that had escaped as he turned away, glancing at Morgan's amused expression as well. He wished he could have this doctor be the BAU's personal physician, the way he was more or less 'telling' Aaron what was going to happen.

Hotch hated being told he was staying another night, but if he was completely honest with himself he was too exhausted to care. So, surprising both Rossi and Morgan at the ease to which he'd given in, Aaron agreed to stay another night, praying tomorrow would bring some of his hearing back and maybe, just maybe he could sleep and not feel so exhausted.


	12. Chapter 12

Slowly into the Light  
Chapter 11  
By: Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter one

_Author's Note: This is it, the final chapter. I'm so sorry for the post after two years then another break, but at least it wasn't another two years __J. In the last month my job started back up and I started college, something I wish I'd done twenty years ago, but better late than never. So I've had to learn the art of juggling; family, job, college, life. Now I know why college is geared toward the young. A piece of advice to any young people reading this, don't wait, life has a way of sneaking up on you when you aren't looking. Okay, I'm off my soap box. Again I'm sorry for the delay and hope this final chapter brings a conclusion you were all looking for. I've had the vision of how I wanted this to end in my head for a while, just needed to figure out how to word it, I hope it works. Sorry for any typos, but you guys have waited on me long enough and for that I will be eternally grateful to you all who have waited patiently all this time. So here it is, the final chapter of Slowly into the Light. Enjoy-Montez_

Morning dawned in Lower Canaan and it was no surprise to Dave Rossi when he made his way back to the hospital, after he and Morgan agreed to leave the night before since Hotch had actually eaten about two-thirds of the food they had brought him from the local, surprisingly good, Chinese restaurant, that he'd find his friend and boss sitting on the side of the bed, suit pants on, dress-shirt buttoned but un-tucked, suit jacket and tie lying next to him as the dark-haired man stared out the small window of his hospital room.

Dave had stopped at the nurse's station when he saw Aaron's doctor, to see how the younger man was doing. The doctor informed him that Hotch's hearing was only slightly better, apart from the buzzing and that his blood work was okay, but still not great. However the doctor was willing to release his patient with the stipulation that he would not fly back to Washington and that he would see his doctor as soon as possible. Rossi was also informed Hotch didn't sleep all that well because of nightmares and that he had refused any medication to help him sleep.

With this information Rossi stood in the doorway a moment, watching his friend. Even without seeing Hotch's face Dave could see the exhaustion still weighing on the younger man's shoulders, along with whatever guilt he had been living with since New York.

It was Aaron's quiet voice that surprised the older man, "Can you drive me home?"

Dave was stunned a second, he didn't realize that Hotch knew he was in the room and the other thing that gave him a moment's pause was that Aaron was actually asking for help. Making his way around the room so his friend could see him, Rossi replied. "How'd you know it was me?"

Hotch gave a hint of a smile, pained as it was, "Your aftershave." Aaron watched the realization cross the older man's face before speaking again, "I need a favor."

Rossi pulled a chair closer to the younger man, he hated that Hotch still looked so exhausted. "Name it." The older man knew there wasn't anything he was going to deny his friend, not when it was so clear that whatever it was Aaron was going to ask seemed to mean a lot to him just by the very means that he was asking.

"I need to go back to New York." Hotch watched for Dave's reaction, honestly expecting an argument, especially when he really needed to get back to Washington and see just how much more damage he had caused his ear and if the hearing loss he was still experiencing was permanent or not.

"Okay." Rossi replied. A part of him wanted to argue that his friend was barely in any condition for the drive back to Washington let alone via New York which was hundreds of mile in a slightly different direction, but this was important to Hotch and right now if would help the younger man get past what had happened and hopefully get him back on the road to recovery, then Dave would take him to New York.

A barely noticeable nod was Aaron's only reply as he slowly stood to finish getting dressed so he could leave the hospital, silently praying he could stay out of the godforsaken place for a while.

They met the rest of the team back at the sheriff's station, signing off on the needed paperwork and graciously accepting the plate of homemade cookies from one of the town residents. Hotch then informed the rest of the group of what they had already suspected that he shouldn't be flying and that he was taking a few days to make the drive back to Washington with Dave. Both men left out the part of going home via New York, but Rossi felt if Hotch wanted the other's to know he would mention it.

As Reid helped Hotch transfer his go-bag into the vehicle Rossi had rented Morgan pulled the older man aside. "You call if you need any help with him." Morgan remembered the drive home from New York, the episodes he'd watched his friend and boss endure.

"Don't worry; I'm going to stretch the drive out a bit, so we aren't doing it all at once. Hopefully it will give him a chance to rest a little on the way. Tell Garcia to go ahead and contact that doctor Hotch was seeing…" Rossi paused a second when Derek held up his hand.

"You think that's a good idea?" Morgan asked, even though he knew Garcia would have no problem finding out the information, he worried Hotch would get angry with them setting something like a doctor's appointment up for him without his knowledge.

"I know Garcia probably already has that info, that girl knows more about us than we probably want to know. Have her set an appointment up for the 20th, that will give us four days to make it back, if we get back earlier fine, but I want to take this slow." Dave concluded.

"I'll take care of it, just try and keep me updated or you know Garcia will start tracking the car's GPS." Morgan smiled as Rossi patted his shoulder and headed toward the rental.

Hotch and Rossi watched the rest of the BAU drive away toward the small airport in Lower Canaan before making their way to the interstate, heading east toward New York. "Did you tell Morgan where we were going?" Aaron asked Dave.

"Figured if you wanted him to know you'd have told him." Dave said at the red-light just down the street from the station.

"I don't think he'd understand." Aaron said softly, turning toward the window.

Rossi pressed the gas once the light changed thinking to himself, 'I'm not sure I understand'.

A few hours of silence passed before Rossi pulled off for a rest stop. He could tell by Aaron's posture the last half an hour that the pain medication had worn off and that Hotch needed to eat something before taking more. "What do you want to eat?" Dave asked, pulling to a stop in a shopping center parking lot.

"I'm not hungry." Hotch replied, rubbing his head.

"Italian it is." Rossi replied with an amused tone as he noted an Olive Garden sign just down the road.

The meal was quiet, not really unusual with Hotch since he wasn't much of a talker, but Dave was at least happy to see the younger man eat about half of the chicken alfredo that he'd ordered. "Do you want to stop for the day?"

"No, I want to make it to the city…" Aaron could see the protest building in the older man's face, "Dave, I need to do this, Please." That added 'please' tore at Rossi, Hotch was never one to ask for help, much less, nearly beg for understanding in what he felt he needed to do.

"Okay, but you need to rest in the car." A subtle nod in agreement was the only response as Dave made sure Aaron took his needed medicine. After a quick restroom break and a text to Morgan the two men were back on the road.

For the next five hours Dave drove and Aaron dosed in the passenger seat, startling himself awake occasionally, from what Rossi could only assume were the nightmares that plagued his young counterparts sleep.

They arrived in New York around ten at night, the city was still busy, but not nearly to the degree the daylight hours usually were. "I'll find us a hotel." Dave was actually already heading toward the one they had stayed in weeks ago, when that terrible case had brought them there and left them all shaken, with Aaron coming away with the most scars, both physical and emotional.

"I want to go to the Federal Building." Aaron had sat up and was watching the city lights pass by the car's windows.

"You should get some rest. Hell, with this drive I'm exhausted." Dave tried to plead his case, yes he was tired from the drive, but Aaron looked worse for wear, his pale skin even more noticeable in the darkness, the passing lights throwing shadows over his sunken features. But it was something else he noticed that scared Rossi, there was a hollowness that seemed to take over Aaron's features, like it was taking everything the younger man had to keep himself from collapsing into the void the car bomb and Kate's death had left in him.

"The Federal Building, Dave." Hotch snapped, his voice rising slightly. The glint in his eye's, for that second, was that of a man obsessed with something that he had no control over, something that was controlling him and for the first time since agreeing to bring his friend back to the city, Dave was afraid for Hotch.

Not wanting to upset his friend, Dave made the needed turns that brought them to the Federal Building, the glass doors embellished with seal of the Federal Government. Pulling the dark sedan up to the curb near the building, Rossi turned off the engine, silence filling the vehicle as the city noises were muffled by the car's windows.

The older profiler watched the younger man, noting the stiffness of his body, the slight tremble of his hands. Without warning Aaron opened the car door and got out, his feet carrying him to the base of the stairs leading to the entrance. Dave followed a few steps behind and watched as Hotch closed his eyes a moment, then turned, heading down the street.

oxoxoxoxoxoxox

The voice in his head was a clear as it was that night, "Don't worry Kate, we'll get them." Aaron had told Kate Joyner as they left the office. Her small smile and refined British accent responding, "I know we will Aaron." before she stepped away. He could remember the smile that crossed his face, yes it was true there was an attraction there, there had been one all those years ago when they had first met, but Hotch was married and would never dream of betraying Haley. But now he was divorced and the thought had entered his mind that maybe, after this case was over, he would ask her to dinner before the team had to head back to Washington. He recalled, as he followed her, of putting that thought out of his mind, they had a group of terrorist to catch first, that was their job, their main focus.

As he started walking down the block, the same block Kate and he had traveled that night, the small, case-focused talk they had made heading for the SUV was lost to him. He could remember Kate moving toward the passenger side as he naturally headed for the driver's side, then his next memory was standing in front of a shattered storefront of televisions, his image not even registering as flames leapt in the background behind him. The weightless debris falling around him like snow, a single singed piece of paper landing gracefully in his palm.

Then the face of a young man and suddenly the overwhelming fear of not knowing where Kate was, the heat from the vehicle was unbearable until a muffled noise made it through his useless hearing and he saw her laying there, in the middle of the street trying to move with half of her body not responding. Aaron's breath hitched as those images engulfed him; the smell of burnt metal, burnt paper and burnt flesh and blood overwhelmed his sense's again, bile rising in his throat until he found himself leaning against the building, housing a bank of televisions, throwing up.

Oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Rossi followed, always a few steps behind, he could only image what was going through Aaron's head, why the younger man was making his way down the very street that had caused all the pain and suffering that night. He watched as Hotch stopped in front of a glass store front of televisions, the image reflecting the younger man's pale, drawn image with the darkened street unusually vacant behind them. Dave watched as Aaron brought his left hand up, palm-up as if catching something, then he rushed forward as Hotch stumbled and vomited on the sidewalk. "Hotch?" Dave grabbed the younger man's arm, "Hey you with me? Aaron?"

"Give me a second." Hotch mumbled, unconsciously running the back of his hand over his mouth.

Dave kept a firm grip on his friend's arm, "You need to rest, whatever it is you feel you need to do can wait until morning." Rossi stepped back to give Aaron room to move, so they could make there way back to the car, but was surprised when Hotch pulled his arm away.

"You don't understand, I need to be here, I need to see this, I need to see what I missed!" Hotch's voice rose with each word as he took a step back from Dave.

"What you missed? Hotch you didn't miss anything. If it hadn't been you it could have been me or Morgan or Prentiss, Reid or JJ, would you have thought we had missed something, would you think it was our fault if one of us had been caught in the blast instead of you?" Dave was desperate to see why Aaron felt he needed to be here, it was clearly not helping his overall health if it was causing him to throw up what little he had eaten that day.

"Kate was with ME, she was the head of the New York office, they knew that, we were nobody from out of town. I should have seen she could have been a target, I should have known." Aaron's voice was pleading now; he needed Dave to see that he was responsible for Kate's death because he wasn't being vigilant.

"We had no reason to suspect we were targets, up till that point it was random, it was not…" Rossi stopped as he saw Hotch turn abruptly, as if hearing something behind him. The older man watched as Aaron slowly started walking away from him, toward the center of the street. Dave's breath hitched the moment he heard Aaron say, "Kate?"

Oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

He didn't understand why Dave just didn't get it, it was his fault Kate died, it was his fault that bomb was nearly able to do its job in blowing up the hospital. It was when Rossi was talking again that he heard it, faint at first, but growing louder, "Aaron…Aaron…" Hotch turned and standing in the middle of the street was Kate Joyner, her sandy-brown hair framing her delicate face, her blue business suit spotless.

"Kate?" Hotch's feet carried him across the sidewalk and into the street, to the very spot Kate had lay, gravely wounded that night, when Aaron's blood-covered hand's had been unable to stop the bleeding that lead to Kate's death. "God Kate…"

"It's all right Aaron, this wasn't your fault." Her smooth, accented voice sounded so clear, so real.

"How can you…" Hotch was cut off by what felt like a warm touch on his chest, Kate had laid her hand over his heart.

"It was the fault of the man who planted the bomb, not your's, not mine, his alone. Please Aaron…" The warmth moved to the side of his face as he felt her hand cup his cheek, "Please stop blaming yourself, look at you, you're hurt. Please Aaron you need to take care of yourself and let me go. I don't blame you, you never left my side, even when you could have, you stayed with me, helped me stay calm even when I knew and you knew I wasn't going to make it and for that I will always be grateful to you. You gave me peace in those final minutes and remember, you told me we would get them and you did. Please Aaron; let it go, let me go."

Hotch stood, taking in the warmth of Kate's touch, just before she pulled away and faded from his sight. In that moment he felt the vice-like grip of guilt loosen, his body filling with the warmth that Kate's touch had brought, finally releasing the guilt of Kate's death. In that moment Aaron felt his legs give out as his knees hit the unforgiving asphalt, in the very spot he had knelt just a few short weeks ago.

Oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hearing the name 'Kate?' come from his friend scared Rossi, was bringing Aaron here causing the younger man to have some sort of break with reality? Did he miss the signs that one of his closest friends was coming to a breaking point and he, himself, had just helped push him the rest of the way over the edge? As a profiler he knew anyone could break, even the most stable, solid of individuals could break under the right or wrong set of circumstances, is that what was happening right in front of his eyes?

'How can you…' Hotch's voice again said to empty space as Dave came up slowly behind him, he hated the need to feel so cautious, but he had to remember that Hotch was armed, the younger man still had his gun clipped to his belt under his jacket.

Another long moment passed, Aaron seemingly unaware of Rossi's presence, then just as Dave was about to call Hotch's name he had to rush forward, his friend wavering and dropping to his knees, "Aaron!" Dave called out, grabbing Aaron by the arms, stopping his decent toward the ground. The boneless weight Rossi felt leaning into him again made him question if all this was too soon, if his agreeing to bring Hotch here was going to ultimately destroy the younger man.

"Dave?" Rossi was only slightly relieved to hear his name all but whispered by the young man in his arms.

"Right here, I've got ya…look I'm going to call an ambulance, just hang on, okay?" Dave had never seen Aaron this vulnerable, not even in the hotel the day they left this place.

"No…no hospital, I'm okay…just tired…" Aaron tried to pull himself up, his body feeling heavier than he thought possible.

"Hotch…" Dave started as he felt his friend move to try and get up, standing as Aaron did.

"Hotel, please Dave, I'm just so damn tired." The uncharacteristic curse from the man he was helping stay upright shocked the older man.

"Okay, but if I think you need to go to the hospital once we are at the hotel, you're going, understood?" Rossi wasn't going to stand-by and watch Hotch self-destruct and if once he got him into some decent lighting he felt the young man needed to be looked at, he would call an ambulance and suffer the wrath of Aaron Hotchner after the fact and be thankful there was still an Aaron Hotchner to have mad at him.

"Okay." Hotch nodded slightly, his face pinching in pain as it had been hours since his last pain pill. Once Rossi had him steadily on his feet, the two men made their way slowly back to the sidewalk and toward the parked car, the specter of Kate Joyner watching silently from the middle of the road

By the time they made it back to the car, Hotch was steadier and Rossi didn't have to keep such a death-grip on his arm. Upon reaching the hotel, Aaron took a seat in one of the lobby chairs as Dave went and arranged for their rooms. The older man touching his arm upon his return, "We're rooming together tonight and I don't want to hear any argument, are you hungry?"

"Just tired." Hotch answered honestly, the two men heading toward the elevator.

Once in the room, Dave was reluctant to allow Aaron to close the door to the bathroom as he changed, the older man's worry for the younger man going through the roof after the episode in the street. He'd wait to see if Hotch would talk with him about it or if it would become another secret that Aaron guarded like Fort Knox. Dave sat out a bottle of water, some crackers and Aaron's pain medication next to the younger man's bed, then waited for him to finish in the bathroom.

Hotch exited in his customary sleepwear, grey sweats and tee-shirt. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he opened the crackers, eating a couple before taking the pain medication. "Thanks" Aaron said softly as Dave took a seat on the bed next to him.

"Are you okay?" Dave waited for the customary answer and was surprised when it didn't come.

"I saw Kate." Hotch didn't look up at his friend, afraid of seeing the doubt in the dark-brown eye's looking at him.

Rossi didn't really know what to say when Hotch didn't continue, so he repeated his original question, "Are you okay?"

This time Aaron looked up at the older man, there was a light in Hotch's eyes that had been missing these many weeks, a spark of the old Aaron, the one before the guilt of Kate's death. It was in those eye's that Dave Rossi seemed to see into the younger man's soul and he knew that whatever had happened in the middle of that street, the man sitting beside him now was going to be okay and Dave truly believed the words that his friend spoke, "I will be."

It was in that moment that Rossi knew Aaron was finally making his way slowly into the light at the end of that long, dark tunnel he'd been trapped in and that Hotch finally realized he had his friend's waiting there for him, to help him heal, to help him go on.


End file.
